I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Randomize
