i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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