Will you blow on my dice?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
