Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
