i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
