does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
