You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
