If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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