i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
