Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
