I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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