My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
As shirtless as possible
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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