Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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