Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
