Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
