'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize