the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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