i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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