well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize