so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
