she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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