Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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