My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
