saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
