this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i love accidental penises.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
