a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
