I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
