So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
