btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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