I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
