I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
