remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
