You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
