You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
