Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
