My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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