Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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