Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
That accounts for only three of the penises
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
