Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
In America we eat man semen.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
