dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
