Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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