So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
