i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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