Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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