Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
