Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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