She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
