We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
