I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
