Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
