I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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