The maid of honor just puked.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
