I wish I could teleport
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
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