Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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