finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize