just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My liver just had a heart attack.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
