So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
