Where is the hickey?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
