I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
