I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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