you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize