She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
