She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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