I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
PANTIES FOUND
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize