Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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