btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
