that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
