Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
