Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize