im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
