My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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