Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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