Just fell off a train. Bad.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
