She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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