woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
