He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
