Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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